Wednesday, July 19, 2006

You sure are purty!

Yesterday, I went to my local convenience store so that I could purchase a sixer of brew. As I walked up to the door to enter the store, this guy approached the door very quickly so that he could hold the door open for me.

I don’t mind. I like chivalry.

I slowed my pace so that he would reach the door before I did. He grabbed the handle of the door and swung it open. “How are you doing today?” he asked as I entered the store. I told him I was doing fine and thanked him for getting the door. He then smiled at me and it became very apparent that this fella was a big fan of chewing tobacco.
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The second thing I noticed about this guy, who was probably about the same age as me, was the odd look in his eye. He looked eager……creepily eager.
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Kinda like this.

I scooted down the isle towards the beer and he followed me. He kinda half whispered something and it sounded like “you sure are purty (i.e., pretty)”. I ignored him as I was not sure if he intended for me to hear him. I grabbed the six pack and carried it to the counter for purchase.

The guy lingered behind me.

After I paid for my beer, the guy followed me out of the store. He bought nothing. He did not even look for something to buy. As I was walking to my car, he said “You are pretty”.

I said “excuse me?” (acting like I did not hear him).

He then said “how are you doing today?” He had already asked me this, remember. Again, I told him I was doing fine. Then he said “Your hair sure is pretty. I like your hair.”
(cue the banjo music in your mind’s sound track right about now).

Uhhhhhhhhh, ok.

I said “thank you” and awkwardly escaped to my car. He just continued to smile his black tooth grin. I watched him go to his car. I am not sure if he drove off or if he went back into the store after I drove away.

I always attract the weird ones.

4 Comments:

Blogger Tracy Fennell said...

"I like the way you talk, mmmhmmm."

lmao

6:00 PM  
Blogger j3 said...

i like your fingernails, yes.

8:32 PM  
Blogger webduke said...

I am your husband.

As follows are some words and song to carry you under the surface, if not into the narrowing chasms of my soul.

Dookie is my best friend. He visits every morning on my best days. I know he smells, but I don't mind. Here is the song that you were made to listen to. I love you. I love you. Get back, get back. I love you.

In the main urinal you could find either your cousin or an hourglass. The timepiece will show you the seven sins of your childhood. Your cousin will only ask for money.

Good luck on your journey. Bomb your neighbors, ask questions later. They are not your enemy.

Hello to you I say, on this sultry green day. The flowers wilt, the grass dries, and I have a beer. Whatever happens to the others, I can't say I care. We have not one thing in common except our love for blood.

10:48 PM  
Anonymous Colin said...

I agree that you attract the weird ones and based on the comment posted you married the weirdest one! Tell Dale to buy the robe and slippers and get it over with...

11:40 AM  

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