Monday, July 06, 2009

A True American

Rachel and Larry threw an old fashioned 4th of July party. Larry even made sure the beer fit the theme as he stocked his cooler with Pearl, Schlitz, and Coors Original (yellow bellies).
I'm not sure if it was the old school beers or the patriotism that brought out the beast in Larry but something is to blame for what happened early on in the party.

Larry lives on a golf course. His neighbor, a retired Colonel, lives next door during the cooler months in Austin. During the summer, the Colonel (I don't know his real name as this is the only thing I have ever heard Larry call him) and his wife travel to a cooler climate. Larry and Rachel keep an eye on the house for them when they are away.

Anyway, right around the start of the party we see a golf cart pull up to the Colonel's back yard. Golfers are constantly hitting their balls into the back yards of the those that reside along the course. This dude climbs out of his cart and approaches the fence as Larry watches him. He uses his putter to reach over the fence and knock his ball to where he can reach it. That's fine. No big deal. Then, he messed up.

The golfer sees a few other balls in the Colonel's yard and decides to walk through the gate and help himself to the little treasures. Larry mutters "what does he think this is, an easter egg hunt?" and then yells "HEY! GET OUT OF HIS YARD!"

Before you can say "bad ass", Larry approaches the man with a walk that could rival that of John Wayne's.
I hear him giving the guy a lecture about not going into peoples yards. The lady in the cart was so nervous that she just kept a permanent smile plastered on her face.
I wonder if the man began to reconsider agreeing to the matching outfits? I mean, it's gotta sting a little extra to take a tongue lashing while dressed up exactly like your wife.

The got in their cart and drove off in quite a hurry. Larry gave them the stink eye until they were out of sight.

And then he went on to cook us the best hamburgers and hotdogs I have ever had.

That's our Larry....A True American Bad Ass.


Blogger "Miss Bee" said...

Oh my gosh, that was so funny. I didn't even realize they were in matching outfits. (Fortunately you didn't get any pictures of when he almost assaulted the man walking down the sidewalk that he thought was "about to kick Blossom.")

6:42 PM  
Blogger Tracy Fennell said...

The Adventures of a True 'Merican, by Sarab Webb.

12:50 PM  
Blogger larry said...

Thank you for the compliment of being a “True American” but I’m just an American. I would defend any property in my care, you don’t have to be a Colonel, ask any of my neighbors. It is a matter of principle, you don’t go into private property…its private property!

If you can’t afford to play golf, and need to search in people’s yards for balls to play your game, then get a new hobby. Balls are 3 for a buck at the club.

Here’s an idea for the clothes matching couple that works for me.
2 pieces of PVC $1.00, sand to sit them in $2.00, 8 quarter inch washers $2.39, tossing washers with your friends at every gathering…PRICELESS!! God bless America

9:06 PM  
Blogger larry said...

PS: Miss Bee,the man was trespassing in the middle of the night, your dog was defending your property, guests Cooper and Charlie dogs. Who would have thought a German dog would really be a “True American”

9:26 PM  
Blogger M--- said...

British-ism of the day: In England, couples that dress alike are know as Howard and Hilda.

Keith and I never dress alike. Unless it's by accident. And then I am forced to change clothes. Let's face it...I have the cuter wardrobe.

9:34 AM  

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