oh NO he did-en!

About a week ago, I noticed that a new breed of annoyance had invaded the drag. (for those of you who do not know, the drag is the part of Guadalupe street that runs parallel to campus.)
This breed joined the ranks of the dragrats that ask for my money, the alcoholic old bums that ask for my money, the psychotic homeless that ask for my money, and the granola chompin’ activists that ask for my money. I am referring to the savvy “magazine subscription seller guy”. These people are the worst. I have had run-ins with a few of these bastards at the mall. They are ruthless, bothering you with some song and dance about a contest they are in to sell the most subscriptions which will allow them to go to college, or Hawaii, or the moon. Oh, and they usually are recovering from cancer or drugs…..right.
I saw a whole group of these bastards on the drag, harassing everyone that crossed their paths. I was able to avoid them for a few days but fate eventually caught up with me. I was walking back from 7-11 when I saw the magazine guy lock his eyes on me. He moved with a purpose as he approached me with his spiel. He said, “Can I ask you a question?” I shook my head “no” and continued to walk past him. That’s when it happened. The jerk loudly declared, “You are pretty cute for a DOUCHE BAG.” My internal thoughts played out like this: “who the hell does this mofo think he is? I can’t believe he just said that. Who is he to be able to harass me for my money. I get harassed every damn day on this street, but NEVER have I been called a douche bag. This has got to stop. Something has to happen. He can not get away with this”.
I continued on my path for about five steps as the anger quickly rose to the level that would shoot the mercury right out of a thermometer. I halted, turned on my heel to face the asshole, and yelled with great force “FUCK YOU!”.
I did not intend to say that…
It just came out. I was surprised that it did, honestly.
It was one of those moments where you think, “did I really just say that?”
I had intended to just give him a dirty look.
He replied with a slew of insults and curse words. I could not tell you what any of them were, because I was so wrapped up in the fact that I had yelled the obscenity on a public street. Other people were looking at me, a few of them smiling. A few of them seemed nervous for me. After all, the asshole was still insulting me.
I started to get a little paranoid, thinking that the asshole might come after me.
He didn’t.
I am glad I cursed him.
The end.