Saturday, June 14, 2008

The Wrath of Sarah

Friday morning I decided to take a trip to the dreaded Wal-Mart. I needed to buy TP, car wash supplies, and I had to have a key made. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart is the only place I can think of that can provide me with all of those things. I was already in a bad mood because:
1. I was going to Wal-Mart. That place just pisses me off.
2. I had not had my morning coffee
3. I was experiencing a little back pain, but not much (yay).

So, when some tool in a silver Audi S4 decided to screw with me he inevitably experienced the “Wrath of Sarah”.
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Yes, that is his Audi.

Here is what happened, I got in the left hand turning lane to turn into Wal-Mart. A car in front of me did it, and I decided to do it as well. Normally, I go all the way to the light, turn left, and make another left into the parking lot. As I pulled into the lane, I realized that I was not really supposed to turn in that way. I could not pull back into the other lane though, so I stayed put and waited for a break in traffic that would either allow me to turn in or get in the other lane. Confused? No big deal. Two cars got behind me like they had the same idea. Then….it started. The man behind me honked at me. I looked at him in my rear-view mirror and he was making all of the “WTF” hand gestures. I am not sure what he wanted. I think he may have wanted me to make the left even though there was not a safe break in traffic. I ignored him. Then, he honked again and I flipped him the bird through the sunroof. Immediately after that, I was able to turn into the parking lot.

I park in the lot, get out of my car, and see his sorry ass speeding through the parking lot coming my way. I stared at him and secretly wished he would pull some shit. He just sped by me so I went in. I watched through the windows of the Wal-Mart and saw him park a row away from my car. He got out and started walking, rather quickly, to the entrance. I got a basket an slowly walked down the first Isle on my left as I waited for him. Yes, I have been watching way to much Sopranos.

Moments later, this went down:
Jackass- “HEY LADY” he barks in his best intimidating voice

Me *I immediately see red, turn on my heel, abandon my cart and my purse and storm up to him faster than you can say “crazy bitch”. I don’t stop until I am toe to toe with his 6’2” frame. He takes a step back…pussy.

Jackass- “the next time you do that, I am going to give you a ticket. I am an off duty police officer, blah blah blah…

Me-* At first, I wonder if he is a cop. Then, I survey his past the ears hair growth, facial hair, and belly. Then I think about how he was in that Audi. I don’t think cops make enough scratch to afford that…hmm…

Jackass-*turns and walks away

Me- “Are you going to let me reply or are you just going to walk away?

Jackas- *his face reddens and he loudly replies, “There is not reply! What you did was an illegal left hand turn and you blocked traffic and the next time it happens I WILL GIVE YOU A TICKET!”

Me- “THEN GO AHEAD AND GIVE ME ONE!”

Jackass- “I don’t have my ticket book, and…”

Me- *I cut him off and say, “Besides, I don’t think you are supposed to use your horn like that” (you really only are allowed to use it as a warning, not to indicate your annoyance).

Jackass- *this sent him over the edge and I was loving it “Blah blah blah” (I don’t remember what he said)

Me-*Interrupting him, again “We are done here, just go…we are finished”

Jackass- *stomps away

It is then that I went outside and took pictures of his car. I’ll tell you what I used them for in my next post.
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Did I make an illegal left hand turn? Yes. Did I flip him off? Yes, but not the first time he honked which is a personal best for me. I know that I should not do either of the above, but I did. Still, I do not take grown men trying to intimidate me very lightly. Not very lightly at all…
Kisses,
Sarah

5 Comments:

Blogger j3 said...

you know, assault is actually permitted in Wal-Mart...you can just punch a chump like this and no one would ever care.

it's expected.

i would've worked this dude into a pretzel and have him sniffin his own butthole. all bark no bite yelling at ladies...deserves a good lesson.

6:43 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

oh man... you HAVE to turn his license plate in for impersonating a cop... that would be SO awesome. what an ass.

7:38 AM  
Blogger Tracy Fennell said...

I guess he could afford the car if he was a single loser cop that lived in his parents' basement. Spends all his money on his Audi and moustache wax.

3:34 PM  
Blogger j3 said...

on another note, that Audi's badass...envy.

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the only thing he is, is a undercover dick head,,,,, trying to be a cop,,,, and if that is the case you could have gotten him for speeding,,,,, you go girl,

what a ass wipe.....

8:49 PM  

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