Please Excuse My Pain
It's therapeutic to put dark and depressing stuff out there....right? Doing so takes the thoughts out of your head, through your fingers, into the keyboard and onto the internet. The great WWW.
Well, here it goes...
Some days, like today, my body hurts so bad I imagine it's what it would feel like if I were 100 years old. Then I think, "If pain increases with age in the natural person, what is going to happen to me since I have suffered from chronic pain for years now?"
It scares me. I think that I might not make it for very long in this body. Not that I want to take myself out or anything. It's more like I don't know how much more pain my body or brain will allow so I imagine my brain will eventually just shut down my heart or something as a final act of mercy.
Right this very moment, it takes all the strength I have to lift myself off the bed to go to the bathroom. When I was driving home from work (yes, I go to work in this much pain. Otherwise, I would call in 2-3 days a week) every bump in the road set my nerves on fire culminating in what felt like an ice pick being driven into the back of my neck.
So I think these thoughts and then I get over myself.
Things could be much, much worse. I know because I work around people who have it worse than I do. Children who have it worse than I do.
I also know I will feel better in a few days. I take comfort in that.
This too shall pass.
Yay! Unicorns and Rainbows!
Well, here it goes...
Some days, like today, my body hurts so bad I imagine it's what it would feel like if I were 100 years old. Then I think, "If pain increases with age in the natural person, what is going to happen to me since I have suffered from chronic pain for years now?"
It scares me. I think that I might not make it for very long in this body. Not that I want to take myself out or anything. It's more like I don't know how much more pain my body or brain will allow so I imagine my brain will eventually just shut down my heart or something as a final act of mercy.
Right this very moment, it takes all the strength I have to lift myself off the bed to go to the bathroom. When I was driving home from work (yes, I go to work in this much pain. Otherwise, I would call in 2-3 days a week) every bump in the road set my nerves on fire culminating in what felt like an ice pick being driven into the back of my neck.
So I think these thoughts and then I get over myself.
Things could be much, much worse. I know because I work around people who have it worse than I do. Children who have it worse than I do.
I also know I will feel better in a few days. I take comfort in that.
This too shall pass.
Yay! Unicorns and Rainbows!
posted by sarahsmile3 at
4:56 PM
1 Comments:
You handle it beautifully. If there is a bright side, at least it is only a few days a week instead of 24/7 like it used to be?!? Still. It sucks and I'm sorry for your pain!
Hoping more unicorns will head your way...
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