Last week, Josh invited Dale and I to see a friend’s band play downtown. Dale declined the offer because he had to work the next morning. Dale said he was cool with me going with Josh, so off we went. Unfortunately, the band’s performance time was move up an hour so we only got to see a few songs. Well, it was not that unfortunate….the songs I heard might have caused some damage to my high frequency hearing range. They were an “industrial” band. Any-hoo, I asked Josh if he would please hit a few bars with me. I have never been down town with just Josh, and I thought it would be fun. We started out at the Red Eyed Fly and had a nice time. I got the itch to go to Casino El Camino, though, so we paid the tab and walked over to where all the trouble started.
At first, everything was cool. Josh and I bellied up to the bar and ordered our drinks. There was a guy sitting on my left, but he was quiet…for a while. About 45 min later, he strikes up a conversation with us. He was a photographer so he and Josh start talking about framing and what not. Somewhere down the line, Josh told the dude that I was married and he was my body guard for the evening. The guy said “Oh, you are married”? and grabbed my had to view my ring.
Then, things got strange… here is the condensed version.
Not too long after the ring viewing, I decided it was time to re-gloss my lips. As I was doing so, Josh said “What are you doing”? The other guy said “Can I help you take some of that off”?
I looked at the guy, with surprise, and said “NO”!
Josh said “Hey, buddy! I just told you she was married! Are we going to have a problem”?
The dude apologized and the conversation continued. I thought it would be a good time to excuse myself for a few minutes, thinking that Josh would move to a table or something to get away from this goof. When I returned, Josh and the guy were still in the same seats. A little time passed, and the dude whispered some kind of lame ass rhyme in my ear. I laughed nervously and Josh blew up again. At this point, I was getting nervous. I thought Josh was gonna hit the dude and then go to jail. So I calmed Josh down and told him it was ok. Josh then suggested we go sit outside. But first, he had to go the men’s room. The guy followed me outside and said, “at some point tonight, you are going to have to figure out a way to slip me your number”.
I was appalled! I told him I could not do that and reminded him, again, that I was married (like he needed a reminder). Josh then comes out, has a smoke, and tells me it is time to go.
When we were outside, and walking away from the bar, I told Josh that the joker asked me for my phone number. If Josh was a gal, he would have laughed and called the guy a loser. Instead, he turned and started walking briskly towards the bar. It caught me off guard and I had to catch up with him and beg him to not go back there. We did not need the trouble. So, when we got back to Josh’s place, I received a two hour lecture on how I am naïve about men. Josh said that he made a mistake by not punching the guy the moment he made the lip gloss comment. I, however, am glad he restrained himself.
Any-hoo, here are the top ten points that were made.
- Any guy that approaches you In a bar is NOT interested in being your “friend”.
- Many guys do not care that you are married. Some just don’t give a rat’s ass about the sanctity of marriage and others just feel that they are probably better than your husband.
- For many guys, talking with a pretty girl is as valuable as money.
- If you tell a guy you are married, and he still has the nerve to ask for your phone number you MUST tell him to F*$k Off!
- The next time a guy, whom you informed you were married, asks for your phone number while your buddy Josh is not looking you must tell your buddy Josh this bit of information so that he may punch the guys teeth down his gullet.
- Guys don’t look to see if you are wearing a wedding ring. If a guy strikes up a conversation with you, at a bar, then it is in your best interest to show him the ring right away and tell him you are married. He may not give a crap, but at least you set the ground rules early.
- Forget #6… just don’t talk to any guy at any bar.
- If a guy is hassling you, know that the bartender and bar staff have your back. They are there to serve drinks and keep an eye on things.
- Be wary of guys that introduce themselves as “photographers.”
- You might want to consider wearing a potato sack the next time you go out on the town. And please, don’t put on lip gloss in view of other men.
So there you have it. It took you, what….a few seconds to read the 10 points? It took me 2 HOURS to listen to them, over and over again. I think I learned my lesson.