Misprint's 6th Annual Beard & Moustache Competition

This is my second year to attend the Beard and Moustache Competition at the Mohawk. Like last year, I had a prime position in the front row. Also like last year, Billy Gibbons (from ZZ Top, duh) made an appearance. I had my iphone with me so I took some video of his performance. Little did I know I was about to receive his double Z keychain! Check out the video, and remember that I am behind the camera.....screaming like a little girl at a Justin Bieber concert. Oh, and the video is sideways. I was so excited, I forgot how to hold my phone. Here we go:


How awesome was that? Matt Bearden is the man that actually handed me the keychain. He is a very funny comedian/morning show host/host of Punch! Comedy.
I go to the Beard and Moustache competitions for 2 reasons. 1. to check out dudes with beards and 2. because Matt Bearden makes me laugh. These contests last over 3 hours and home slice is "on" and very funny the entire time. I mean, that can't be easy. It's quite impressive.

Ok, enough about Bearden....let's move onto the beards!

Alex Laroche shows us his Basketball Hoop Beard:


Very creative, funny, and maybe my favorite beard of the night.

Moustache Back

I wish I had a good picture of this guys front. He had a moustache that went from his face, down his neck, and down his chest. He was one hairy bastard.

Freestylin'


I think this guy one the Freestyle Category.

Speedo

Texas flag speedo. Enough said.

I'll show you the rest tomorrow.

Wait, one more....

Awwwwwwwww yeah!

Steak Knife

I arrived home after a long day at work and began my afternoon chores. I took the dogs outside, fed them, and began doing the dishes. As I was rinsing a steak knife I heard what sounded like the opening of the door that leads from my garage into my house.


I gripped the knife and walked to the entryway of my living room. I said, “hello?” Though I could not make out what he said, I heard a muffled voice of a man in response.

This cause the adrenaline to start pumping and for some reason, I became angry. Very angry. “Helllllo???” I screamed. I waited a beat and then shouted, “come on, mother fucker!”
The dogs were by my side, growling and snarling….ready to attack. I opened the doggy gate allowing them into the living room…into battle.


I expected the pups to enter the living room and take a right into the hallway that leads to the door I thought had been breached.

The Hall....it's where I stash my hula hoops...

Instead, they turned right and began barking like crazy. Then, I heard a screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeach. I followed the dogs into the big living room and found them at the large window barking at the men trimming my neighbors tree. A branch had scratched at the window pane on it’s way down to the ground.

The men were right outside these windows

Nobody broke in. The muffled voices belonged to the men outside. I'm not sure why I assumed the noise I heard was somebody trying to break into my house via the garage entryway, but I did just exactly that.

The sound of their chainsaws hopefully prevented them from hearing me scream unnecessary obscenities.

Yes, I do understand that I am tragically wack-a-doo and should never try and chase off potential burglars/rapists/murderers with a small steak knife and curse words.

But the fight or flight response is biological and I’m all fight. This is probably because I am not very fast. If I were to run, I would get caught anyway so I might as well put my dukes up.

And my steak knife.


Bonus Pic:

That's my hand holding the steak knife and that is my loving husband, Dale.
Dale did not know I took this until I showed it to him minutes before posting it on my blog. To me, that makes the picture all the more awesome.

: )

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Wallet

A long time ago, Dale accidentally left his wallet in his jeans and ran them through the wash. He removed everything from the wet wallet and placed the wallet on a shelf to dry. In the mean time, he grabbed a rubber band and secured his ID, credit cards, and FreeBirds frequent eater card together.



I took this picture today. Ya see, Dale is still using a rubber band as his wallet. He says wallets are bad for your back. He don't need no stinking wallet.

My husband, the minimalist.

Talking With the Dog

Me- "Cooper, you are such a good dog. So sweet. You grew out of your puppy ways some time ago and now you are the picture of obedience."

Cooper-


Me- "Now your brother, Charlie, on the other hand....well.....he is not quite there yet is he? Do you want to know what that little bastard did the other night? Huh? Do you wanna know?"

Cooper-


Me-"He done stole Dale's brand new slipper and ate the leather string right out of it. see for yourself"


Cooper-

"Son of a bitch!"


Charlie-


The End.

Good Mail Day

Today was a good mail day. Check it out!

I got:

Two packages and two envelopes.

Here is what was inside:

The new Sharon Van Etten record, Tramp, deluxe edition, my Feburary Birchbox and 6 tickets to the Beard and Moustache competition at the Mohawk!!



Ain't that the shit?

JUST TAKE IT OUT!

What is the sublingual gland?
'The sublingual gland is a salivary gland about the size of an almond that lies underneath
the tongue in the floor of your mouth. Saliva drains from it through a number of small
tubes that open on the inside of the mouth underneath the tongue. The most common
reason for removing a sublingual gland is as a result of a blockage to these drainage
tubes. This can lead to a swelling, a cyst called a ranula'
-source




I've been dealing with sublingual salivary gland problems since August. I have had two attepted removals of the blockage by an oral surgeon (worst procedures ever), and two attempts by an ENT. One of those attempts was a full fledged surgery while the other one was an office procedure.

None of the procedures worked.

It's time to remove the offending gland, folks, and I could not be more ready. No more messing around with trying to simply remove the "blockage." The gland has to go. Pack your bags, gland! You gettin' an eviction notice!!!


Surgery is scheduled for March 2nd.

Peek

Did you ever watch that show on MTV called Cribs? Well I did. My favorite part was when the recording artist, athlete, model or actor would open their refrigerator and give us a peek inside. It was fun to see what kind of sauce, veggies, and beverages were in there. Would the refrigerator be full of take out food? Would it be mostly empty? If the person on the show was a hip-hop artist, there was always plenty of Cristal lined up in a row with the label facing out. Always. Models seemed to have a refrigerator well stocked with Diet Coke. Well, I don't have any Cristal, and everything is NOT lined up 'just so', but I thought I would give you a peek into my refrigerator.

Oh boy, it's chock full!

On the inside of the left door is where the hot sauce lives:

I love Valentina.

On the inside of the right door you will find various condiments:

Capers are the shit.

Top shelf:


It's pretty random. Those eggs are cage free/hormone free ya'll.

Meat drawer:


Fresh Salmon, smoked salmon, lamb chops, steak, and bacon (pork for Dale and Turkey for me).

Beverages:

V8 and Crystal Light. I guess I do have some Crystal in my refrigerator. Holla!!!!

Veggies:




and fresh herbs.

Come on over and I'll make you a salad. Lord knows I have enough lettuce.

In Other News:
My favorite time of year is starting. Bands are releasing new records, touring is happening, SXSW is approaching, and the weather is nice. I'm excited to hear new music from Hacienda, Sharon Van Etten, Dr. Dog, Delta Spirit, and Jack White. They are all releasing new albums this spring.

The Railroad Revival Tour has been made into a documentary that will debut at SXSW Film. I can't wait to get a peek inside that train and to relive the concert experience.

That's all.