The Stubborn Cyst Story

Back in August, I was sitting on the couch watching some bad showtime movie when suddenly I felt something in my mouth
Not my tongue, not my teeth...something foreign. Something under my tongue. I paniked and I froze. I sat there for a few seconds hoping that it would somehow vanish. When I realized that that was not going to happen, I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I positioned myself close to the mirror, took a deep breath and opened my mouth. Under my tongue there was a fluid filled sac coming up from the floor of my mouth. It was the size of a jelly bean.


That's a Jelly Bean...not what was in my mouth

I made an appointment with an oral surgeon and waited....and worried...and worried some more.

I was all, "ohmygoshIhavecancerandmymouthisgoingtofalloff!"

The day of the appointment finally arrived (two weeks later). After a short examination, the oral surgeon diagnosed me with having a cyst on one of my salivary glands. On a duct coming off of the gland, really.


The cyst was blocking the duct creating pressure. Eventually, fluid would shoot up the duct and into the floor of my mouth. The tissue on the floor of my mouth was trapping the fluid. The fluid would eventually be absorbed by the tissues, but this process would take a long time and then eventually repeat itself. Very cyclical.

The oral surgeon told me that these types of cysts can appear after trauma or for no reason at all. I had not experienced any trauma so my little friend just came out of the dang ol' blue.

The oral surgeon said, "Let's wait and see if this goes away."
Reluctantly, I waited some more....worried some more...and then went to see the oral surgeon again as the cyst did not just go away.

He scheduled me for a cyst excision.

On the day of the "procedure" he sat me in the dental chair (remember, an oral surgeon also removes wisdom teeth and what-not) and proceded to give me a series of the most painful shots I have ever had. I have had a ton of dental work and a ton of painful shots and procedures. None of them came close to this. The pain was great. The shots were in my jaw bone, under my tongue, in my tongue. Ouch.

Then, he cut away. He cut, I bled, his assistant used the suction tube and then they stuffed my mouth full of gauze. Then they yanked the blood soaked gauze out of my mouth, cut some more, sucked some more and stuffed some more.

Lather, rinse, repeat.
Everything was very hurried. Very rapid. My anxiety was growing by the second. I thought I might have a heart attack. All I could do was dig my nails in the arms of the chair and pray for it to be over with.

It was over quickly, thank the Lord. It took about 5 minutes. Five, torturous minutes. Right when he finished, the oral surgeon left the room in a hurry. I tried to stand up but my legs were jelly. I thought I was going to pass out. He did not stay to answer any questions. Not that I could talk...my mouth was stuffed with gauze. I could have written my questions, though. Jerk.

10 days later, the cyst returned. The oral surgeon said he must have not gotten it all. Good news was that he sent the cyst he did remove to be tested and it came back non-cancerous. Whew. Bad news was I had to go through the procedure again.

This time, I wanted the gas damnit! Procedure number two was just as painful, but not as horrible thanks to the nitrus. I was able to go to a special place inside my head. My imaginary private beach.

10 days later, the cyst returned. Again. DAMNIT!!!!! The oral surgeon said, "well, let's just wait and see if it will just go away."

Really? Um.....have we not done the "wait and see" thing already? Pardon my language but Fuck You Doctor Wait-n-See!

I left his office and spoke with my good buddy Danny who happens to be a surgical nurse. He told me I needed to see an Ear Nose and Throat doctor and that I probably needed a surgery, not a "procedure."

I went to the ENT and he did in fact tell me that I need to have a surgery. He said they have to take their time to really try and get it all. They have to be careful and not rushed. Wow....that is pretty much the opposite of what I went through (twice!) with the oral surgeon. The ENT said it is possible that the cyst comes back even after the surgery and that they may have to remove the gland. It's ok though, we have many salivary glands.

The surgery is scheduled for this Friday. I should go home that day. Bing, bang, boom.

An Evening with Stephen King

Never in a ba-gillion years did I think that I would ever be seated a few feet away from my favorite author, Stephen King. I mean, the only way I thought I would ever get to see him is if I took my ass to Lovell, Main and walked around town hoping to run into him while he was on one of his walks. I know what you are thinking...."creeper much?" Yup.
One phone call from my friend, Amy, changed all of that. Changed that line of thinking, anyway. Amy called me to tell me that Stephen King would be at McKinney High School in November. She told me how to get tickets from a bookstore's website. Moments after I spoke with her, my ticket to the event and my ticket for the plane to get me there were both purchased.

On the day of the event Amy picked my ass up from the Dallas airport and drove me to Mckinney high school where Will (her husband) and two of their friends joined us. We arrived at the high school at 4:00 and got in line. About 5-10 people were ahead of us. The line quickly grew to snake around the corner of the building.


Wait a second...how is it that I have never noticed that snaggle tooth of mine?

We made friends with those around us and got all nerdy talking about Stephen King books.


We were very excited and could not wait to get in the auditorium.

Here is Will with his boss moustache. Oh yeah, I said "Boss" as in Incrediably Awesome; miraculous; great. Will grows that shit out for Movember (moustache November....raises money for prostate cancer research).


After waiting for an hour outside, they finally let us into the auditorium. We were able to get seats only a few rows back from the stage! This lady (pictured below) was seated in the row directly in front of us. She was the worst! There were tote bags on our seats and she stole Will's right in front of him! I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but Amy suggested that we not tarnish the energy of the evening.

Later, the woman took out her ipad and used it to take pictures. Seriously? You don't have something smaller to take a photo with? "Oooooh, look at me with my fancy ipad! I steal tote bags and sell them so that I can afford to buy the newest devices." Oh, and she saved a seats for friends that arrived only a few minutes before Stephen King took the stage. This was a very craptacular move as people waited an hour in line, and then 2 hours in the theatre for this event. Her friends just waltzed right in there like they owned the place. Ugh. Made me want to scratch the back of their necks with a rusty nail.

Back to the good part.

Like I said, we had to wait 2 hours in the auditorium! Yowza!

So we clowned around a bit. Oh, before I forget, thank's to Amy for the group shots and the pics of Stephen himself! We were not allowed to use flash photography and she still managed to do a good job!



and finally, Uncle Stevie appeared!


He was great. He started out by telling some stories about his experience as an author. He is really funny and endearing. At one point, Amy leaned over and whispered into my ear "he looks like my grandmother." I almost peed myself. She was not trying to be a smart ass....she was serious! To her, he really does look like her grandmother. I've never seen her g-maw, but I can assume she is correct in her comparison.


He spoke for quite some time before taking out his newest novel for a quick reading.


How crazy was it to hear my favorite author read a book he has written? Supa-dupa crazy, son.

He then answered questions that the audience submitted. I did not submit a question. I have read many a Stephen King interview in various magazines and websites. I have read all of his books, including the one On Writing. I know the answers to most questions that I have had about the man. The only thing left to ask would be "um, Mr. King....would you consider coming over to my house for dinner?" Nope. Can't really ask that. Instead, I listened to the other questions. Some good, some bad. One question was, "would you ever consider writing a young adult novel? Ugh. Seriously? I was a young adult when I started reading Stephen King. Heck, I was still in elementary school! Psh!
His answer was no, in case you were wondering.

When Stephen was done a lady came out to tell us that there would be four exit areas. At each exit, we were to pick up our first edition copy of Stephen King's new book. The best part was that 25% of the audience was to get a signed copy! The five of us in our group all ended up at the same book table. Three of us got books! We beat the odds!


I was a lucky member of the audience. I now own a first edition, signed copy, of a Stephen King book. This book, titled 11/22/63, has gotten great reviews. I can't wait to read it! I had to go and buy another copy to read so that I don't mess up the signed edition. Lord knows I would probably drop that sucka in the bathtub.

Anyway....thank you Amy. I love ya.

A Lichtenstein Halloween Part:3

Since posting my Halloween pictures on my Facebook and this here blog, I have been frequently asked "how long did the make-up process take?" Well, it took quite some time. I don't know how long, exactly. Probably an hour and a half? That's just my guess.
First, I used basic Halloween white makeup to even out my skin tone and brighten things up. Then, I used liquid eyeliner to create the bold lines associated with Lichtenstein's style.

Then, I threw on some fake eyelashes and the perfect yellow wig.

It was the dang dots that took the longest. Not sure if you noticed, but I totally missed the area of skin above my top lip. Also, I messed up the dots around my neck/chest as I attempted to wear a necklace. Dumb. Other than that, the costume turned out pretty good. Here are some shots of me getting ready. Husband is handy with the camera, no?










There you have it!
Now I need to start thinking about what I will be for Halloween 2012.

A Lichtenstein Halloween Part:2

I'm going to go reverse on the sucka. I'll show you more photos of my complete costume in this post, and then show you the transformation process (i.e., me applying a billion dots to my mug) in the next post. Alrighty? Here we go:

I put these photos on Facebook. I tagged my husband on this one. No particular reason why I singled him out on this one.......(*whistles innocently)


You never saw a comic strip character make this face....until now.


Another unique face, brought to you by a strange 30something lady.






up close...


I don't have a made, but "Lichtenstein Sarah" does.


You better go to the store and get some!!!


I'll just eat a carrot.






I have no words for this expression.


Or this one. What in the heck was going on?


Ah, back to decent posing.






Thanks for stopping by! Come back in a day or two to see the transformation process.

A Lichtenstein Halloween Part:1

Do you know who Roy Lichtenstein is? Sure you do. He was an artist, specializing in pop art. In fact, his work is what defined pop art as we know it. Here, let me show you:



Lichtenstein used thick lines, bold colors and Ben-Day dots in much of his work.
Here is a short description of Ben-Day dots (printing process) taken from Wikipedia:

"The Ben-Day Dots printing process, named after illustrator and printer Benjamin Henry Day, Jr., is similar to Pointillism. Depending on the effect, color and optical illusion needed, small colored dots are closely spaced, widely spaced or overlapping. Magenta dots, for example, are widely spaced to create pink. "

Instead of using a printing process, Lichtenstein hand painted his work using a paint brush, oil and magenta paint. I used the flat round end of a wooden dowel rod and red halloween paint that I bought on clearance last year.

Not too shabby, eh?

My friend, Miss Bee, actually gave me the idea. She saw a photo floating around pinterest of a gal that was transformed into a "Lichtenstein girl" with the help of MAC makeup artists.

Here are a few more pics. I'll have more up tomorrow or the next day. It was too much fun.











P.S. You are not seeing things. I have tears in some photos and not in others. I started out without them, and then added them (make-up) after the first half of the "photoshoot."