Beard Contest Part 4: Best Groomed Beard

It's now time for my buddy Danny's part of the competition. There he is, taking his place on stage amongst his bearded brethren. His bearded brothers. His bearded bros. The bearded bastards.


During his interview, the host asked Danny if he came from Lubbock specifically for the contest. Danny said that he came to Austin to see his good friends, Dale and Sarah. While I loved the shout out, I think the judges wanted him to say that he came down specifically for the contest. They eat that shit up.


He also got to show off his chest hairs. I say "hairs" because he only has a handful....enough to count, really.

Here are some of the other "Best Groomed" contestants:

Love his pose. After this pose, he slapped the host (at the host's request).


Many of the contestants dressed in some type of costume. We already have some Ideas for Danny's attire next year. That is, if they have the contest next year. THey might just go out on top and not have another one. I'll tell you more about that in a later post.


This guy had a tight beard but he scared me. He looks like one of those guys that, while in a fight, would rip an antenna off of your ford F150 and whip you with it.


Three for the price of one plus a dollar all for the beardos stand up and holler!


This outfit totally makes sense.


This guy was a sniper in the Marines


and now, he is some sort of cop. (He gets two pics because I thought he was cute)


This fella looks like he straightened his beard. Also, he put some sort of tinsel up in there. It reminds me of that one chick from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about (unless you are Bee who does not have cable and probably really doesn't know what I am talking about).

Finally, this dude takes the stage

Not sure why he was in the Best Groomed category. He really belonged in Gnarliest beard, don't you think?

We ain't done yet! If you can take it, I have more contestants to show you. Up next, free style and Ladies combined.

Beard Contest Part 3: Fiercest Chops

Before we get into pictures of the fiercest chops, allow me to introduce you to the judges:

From Left to RightLLaurie Gallardo (KUT FM Austin), Allen Demling (Austin Facial Hair Club/future city councilman),Houshang Ghaharie (Emo's/Mohawk, Bryan Nelson (Austin Facial Hair Club/Australian Cattle God Records)

Here is a little tidbit for ya- Dale works with Allen...Judge #2. Allen also happens to be another big Hacienda fan. Whoop!

Another tidbit- Houshang is the best bartender in Austin. If you have ever been to Emo's you have probably seen him in all of his glory. Dude is all about business when he is behind the bar. You will get served.

Ok, here we go:
The first contestant to step onto the stage-

Nice socks.

This guy is who your parents warned you about:

don't take candy from him nor should you climb into his van.

His name is Kong

I did not make that up.

Those are some serious chops!


Gotta bust out the tape measure

Oooooh, fancy photo


Let's wrap it up with one of my favorite things...a man slap


Backhand style, all up in it.

Best groomed is next. I'm going to have to only show you a select few pics as just about every dude in Austin (and one dude from Lubbock) entered this category.

Apple Break

While I am editing pictures from the Beard and Moustache contest, might I offer you a little nugget of funny?

Well, at least I thought it was funny. I won't be offended if you don't think it is funny, but I will think less of you.
A Facebook friend posted something and, given my current profile pic, I could not help but make the comment you are about to see.

Here it is:


I crack myself up.

Beard Contest Part 2: Pre-Contest Jitters

After stopping by The Bird @ Bee's house for the best smoked chicken I have ever had, we made our way downtown to the Mohawk. We got there at 8:45 or so and there was already a line forming at the door. Fortunately, I had pre-purchased our tickets so we were in like Flynn.

Right away, Dale got a beverage for Danny to calm his nerves. The competition was all over the place and boy was it hairy.


Dale told Danny to put his game face on, like this:


Danny had pre-registered in the "Gnarliest Beard" category but, after talking to a fellow competitor, we decided to switch him to the "Best Groomed" category. We made the switch up and began walking around.

Hang on! Do you want to see a better view of the top of my hat? Sure you do!

Groovy.

Where were we? Oh yes, walking around. I started taking photos of the contestants. Here are a few for you to enjoy:

Brawny Man, Bearded Lady, Civil War Beard-O.


Aw...It's Isaac, the boy preacher from Children of the Corn, all growed up!


Check out the sign in the back


Pretty skilled clipper work, if you ask me.

We bellied up to the stage, front row Joe style, and waited for it all to begin.
Before we knew it, the DJ took the stage and began to set up.

The moment I saw him, I knew it was on.

And just incase I needed a reminder that it was, in fact, "on" the host of the event came out like a torpedo and sprayed beer all over me and my cool hat.

Thanks to an aggressive shaking, that bottle of beer is now mostly foam.

The host's name is Matt Bearden. Yes, I am serious. Let me tell you this, that dude is one funny bastard.

Up next: The competition begins!
Get ready for "Fiercest Chops" and "Best Groomed Beard!"

Beard Contest Part 1: The Grooming

Before traveling to the Fifth Annual Misprint Magazine Beard and Moustache Contest, in which he was registered to compete, Danny asked me to help him groom his beard. Make it look as large as possible. Here is a before shot:


He washed it, and I used some of my fancy "angel drops" to prep the beard. Next, I took out the pic and blowdryer.


What's that you say? You like my hat? Well thank you! Yes, those are a bunch of sewing materials adorning the top of my hat. I bought that hat a few weeks ago because it was so bizarre. I could not leave the store without it. Had no idea where/what I was going to wear it to. I think it's perfect attire for attending a beard and moustache contest. Perfectly randome attire.

Now we just gotta finish this beast off with a little hair spray.....


Blam-O!

That is beastly.


Check out the red hairs.

Danny was pleased with the results.



With the grooming complete, we hopped into the car and made our way to the show.


Danny gives us a look at how he has to cover his hair when he is in the operating room:


Nice.
Grab yourself a snack, kids. It's gonna be a long blog ride. The actual contest was about 4 hours long and highly entertaining. This may turn out to be a 3 part series. Heck, maybe 4. I don't know. I'm overwhelmed.

See you on the flippity-flop.

The Beard

This here is my buddy Danny. Danny and I go back almost 14 years. He was my first neighbor when I moved out of my parent's house. I hung out with a bunch of dudes all throughout my early twenties. Danny, Jeff, Mike, Nick, Lee, Clint, and Dale. Good times and fond memories. I eventually married Dale and am still friends with all but one of those sums-a-bitches.

Danny flew into Austin, this past Thursday, to hang out with the husband and myself.
I began looking online to find something fun to do. Live music? Maybe. A good movie? Nah.

The Fifth Annual Misprint Magazine Beard and Moustache Contest happening Tonight at the Mohawk?
YES!


Credit

"Sponsored by Misprint Magazine and the Austin Facial Hair Club
This is it! Brace your brain, your beard and your liver for the facial hair event of this young millennium. Hosted by standup comic, KLBJ DJ and 2004’s “Funniest Person in Austin” Matt Bearden, this event draws an amazing set of competitors from around the world. Expect this year to be even crazier. DJ Andy the Mouth and DJxHC provide the jams, along with a live performance by Salesman! Drink specials and giveaways all night!"

The Categories:
Gnarliest Beard
Sweetest Stache
Fiercest Chops
Freestyle Facial Hair
Best Groomed
Ladies

Danny and Dale went to the Shangri-la in east Austin to register for the event. Tonight, the contest at the Mohawk. I hope he walks away with "gnarliest beard" but I think we will all be happy walking away with just the experience of it all.

Dude hasn't even been growing his beard for that long!



WIsh him luck!

Prime Rib Dinner (PRD) Part II: Tirzah's Photos

I like how everybody is spaced apart in this picture. I don't remember what was happening as I had 3/4 of a bottle of Pinot Noir that night.


Them there pointy boots belong to Marna. Her husband is the fella playing the piano.


Ah yes. The hooping begins.

Are you ready for the best photo of them all?

I don't think you are.

Really, take a moment to inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Do this a few times.

center yourself.

Relax your shoulders. Man, you are tense. Tough week?

I have something that will help with that stress you are carrying around.


Here it is:

BAM! Wahh------hahaha---hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I think this should be the photo used in Josh and Tirzah's Christmas card.

In Other News;
So do you remember in the previous post when I told/showed you Dale's "one day moustache? It was a creepy looking handlebar moustache. Well, the next day he removed the handles from the bar and gave us the "cop-stache."

BING

BANG

BOOM

That is all.