Two men, a chainsaw on a stick, and one hard hat.

The sticker on Dale’s hard hat (thanks, Chris, for lending it to Dale).

We had a bad tree in our backyard. It appeared to be just about dead so we had an arborist come out and tell us what we could do. He said that the tree did not have enough room for it’s roots to grow properly, due to the limestone in the ground, and that it had basically choked itself to death. The death may have been accelerated by our neighbors pool water that had made it into our yard due to a clogged pool filter. There was no saving it and he told us he would charge $400 to take it down.

Dale and his good friend Larry were not having it. They decided to do the deed themselves.


“No way are you paying $400, bub”

They carefully plotted out each cut as they did not want any branches falling onto the neighbor’s yard and nice patio furniture.


And they commenced cutting


Dale looses a tree but gains firewood

Larry is handy with the clipper-ma-bobs


Teamwork and a chainsaw on a stick


Dale must climb the tree



Progress


They had a good system


Cutting the base

Dale pushes while Larry pulls


And it’s done


On the down side, that tree provided some nice shade. On the up side, the branches of the trees next to it should grow out enough to cover the spot. Did that make sense? Also, we got to keep that $400 that the arborist wanted to charge. I must admit, I am happy to have a husband and a friend that are savvy enough to do the job themselves. Not one branch fell into the neighbor’s yard, which was quite an accomplishment. What can I say….Larry is a magical white guy and Dale is a ninjaneer. They were bound to succeed.

Lord of the Wiens: A Dachumentary

Back in March, I ordered this DVD online


It is advertised as being “a documentary exploring the deep complexities and dynamics of the annual Wiener Dog (aka Dachshund) Races and Costume Contest in Buda, TX.” (http://www.lordofthewiens.com/)

Unfortunately, I accidentally had it shipped to an apartment address that I lived at over 5 years ago. Oops. Paypal still has that address on file and I did not check the shipping address before I clicked the “pay now” button.

When I finally figured out what I had done, the movie had already made it’s way to that old address.

Want to know what I did about it? Yeah, nothing. I just could not see myself having this conversation:

Me-“Hi, you don’t know me but I used to live here and I was wondering if you got a DVD that was addressed to Sarah Webb?”

Apt person- “uh, what was the title of the DVD?”

Me- “um…it’s called Lord of the Wiens”

Apt person- “lord of the rings?”

Me-“no, Lord of the WIENS…you know…as in weenie dogs, or wiener dogs.”

Apt person-*stares blankly at me

Me- “the proper name is dachshunds….that’s uh, that’s why it’s a dachumentary...”

Apt person- “wow”

Any-hoo, the apt person sent the DVD back to the place I ordered it from and this lady e-mailed me (just yesterday) and got my actual address!
Yay for honest people!

I wonder what the Apartment person thought when he/she opened the package?

Whatever. I love my weenie dog. To prove it, here are some gratuitous Sarah and Cooper pictures.





The end.

Mrs. no face

I found these pics on my camera the other day. They were taken the first night we went out for SXSW 2008.

I find it extremely creepy that my face is all blurred out.


We used the auto function on the camera to take it. I must have moved or something. I am thinking about printing it out and framing it just because it is so odd. It will be a conversation piece.

In this next one, Cooper is the blurry spot. Dale is a little out of focus.

Could I possibly slouch more? No wonder why my back and neck are all screwed up.

Wasn’t there some movie where the fuzzy people in photo’s were the ones that were about to die? Did I just make that up?

Wrath part II

As soon as I got home, I found this site www.licenseplatechecker.com/. For $11.95, they will look up the license plate and tell you who the owner is. It was the best $11.95 I ever spent. Turns out, the Jack ass’s name is George W.

Seriously.

He is not a cop.
He works at giant computer technology and consulting corporation. I know where he lives and I know what he does. By surfing around a bit on the net, I even found some of his work e-mails.

The problem, now, is that Dale does not want me to go any further with this matter. See, I wanted to put a note on his front door that said “I knew you weren’t a cop, jackass”. That way, he would know I knew where he lived. But Dale is just not comfortable with that. He feels that I got him back by making his blood pressure most likely rise to a dangerous level. Also he said, “what if he wrote down your information”?

Honestly, I could care less if he did. However, I don’t think Dale would want to visit me in prison which is where I might end up if this a-hole were to ever confront me again.

I could, as Sarah K. mentioned, turn him into the police for impersonating an officer. However, I have experienced trying to get APD to help me out in a situation before and they fell flat on their face. Remember the violent waggle post?

Besides, I would much rather deal with this scum bag myself.

Oh well.

The Wrath of Sarah

Friday morning I decided to take a trip to the dreaded Wal-Mart. I needed to buy TP, car wash supplies, and I had to have a key made. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart is the only place I can think of that can provide me with all of those things. I was already in a bad mood because:
1. I was going to Wal-Mart. That place just pisses me off.
2. I had not had my morning coffee
3. I was experiencing a little back pain, but not much (yay).

So, when some tool in a silver Audi S4 decided to screw with me he inevitably experienced the “Wrath of Sarah”.

Yes, that is his Audi.

Here is what happened, I got in the left hand turning lane to turn into Wal-Mart. A car in front of me did it, and I decided to do it as well. Normally, I go all the way to the light, turn left, and make another left into the parking lot. As I pulled into the lane, I realized that I was not really supposed to turn in that way. I could not pull back into the other lane though, so I stayed put and waited for a break in traffic that would either allow me to turn in or get in the other lane. Confused? No big deal. Two cars got behind me like they had the same idea. Then….it started. The man behind me honked at me. I looked at him in my rear-view mirror and he was making all of the “WTF” hand gestures. I am not sure what he wanted. I think he may have wanted me to make the left even though there was not a safe break in traffic. I ignored him. Then, he honked again and I flipped him the bird through the sunroof. Immediately after that, I was able to turn into the parking lot.

I park in the lot, get out of my car, and see his sorry ass speeding through the parking lot coming my way. I stared at him and secretly wished he would pull some shit. He just sped by me so I went in. I watched through the windows of the Wal-Mart and saw him park a row away from my car. He got out and started walking, rather quickly, to the entrance. I got a basket an slowly walked down the first Isle on my left as I waited for him. Yes, I have been watching way to much Sopranos.

Moments later, this went down:
Jackass- “HEY LADY” he barks in his best intimidating voice

Me *I immediately see red, turn on my heel, abandon my cart and my purse and storm up to him faster than you can say “crazy bitch”. I don’t stop until I am toe to toe with his 6’2” frame. He takes a step back…pussy.

Jackass- “the next time you do that, I am going to give you a ticket. I am an off duty police officer, blah blah blah…

Me-* At first, I wonder if he is a cop. Then, I survey his past the ears hair growth, facial hair, and belly. Then I think about how he was in that Audi. I don’t think cops make enough scratch to afford that…hmm…

Jackass-*turns and walks away

Me- “Are you going to let me reply or are you just going to walk away?

Jackas- *his face reddens and he loudly replies, “There is not reply! What you did was an illegal left hand turn and you blocked traffic and the next time it happens I WILL GIVE YOU A TICKET!”

Me- “THEN GO AHEAD AND GIVE ME ONE!”

Jackass- “I don’t have my ticket book, and…”

Me- *I cut him off and say, “Besides, I don’t think you are supposed to use your horn like that” (you really only are allowed to use it as a warning, not to indicate your annoyance).

Jackass- *this sent him over the edge and I was loving it “Blah blah blah” (I don’t remember what he said)

Me-*Interrupting him, again “We are done here, just go…we are finished”

Jackass- *stomps away

It is then that I went outside and took pictures of his car. I’ll tell you what I used them for in my next post.


Did I make an illegal left hand turn? Yes. Did I flip him off? Yes, but not the first time he honked which is a personal best for me. I know that I should not do either of the above, but I did. Still, I do not take grown men trying to intimidate me very lightly. Not very lightly at all…
Kisses,
Sarah

Round and Round

At the end of my last post, I was left contemplating what pictures I should take and post.

Deep thinking

It suddenly came to me! I would take pictures of my new hobby!

Hula hoping is an actual hobby, I swear.

I spoke with my physical therapist about my new activity and he said, “go for it! Hula hoping is a great way to strengthen your core!” Which is what I need to do to prevent my lower back from going out.


At first, I could not get into the “swing” of it.

I watched Reyna and Tirzah swing the hoop around their midsection in effortless fashion. They explained to me that you have to “catch the motion” on the first rotation. After a few attempts, it finally clicked.



See Cooper in the corner? Yeah, he gets a little weird when I hula. He always stands right next to me, watching the hoop go round and round. I wonder if he thinks I am crazy?

I certainly look crazy in this pic:


I practice every day and am getting quite good. I can do a front back hula hoop and a side to side. I am working on turning around as I hula and walking as I hula. My tummy muscles are feeling it, let me tell you. It is crazy fun, though.

In other news:
I went to the Gap Outlet in Round Rock, today. It is totally worth the drive. I got summer clothes for both Dale and Myself. Cheep, cheep, cheep!

I found some old pictures on my camera that I will share with you in the next post. They are from March. Not that old, I guess.

My PT thinks I should get my neck injected with some steroids. Not my muscles, but the discs. I am nervous about that. I know the anatomy of the spine all to well to not be.

Have a good day, kids.

This tomato thing

I love tomatoes. I can, and usually do, eat them every day. I love them in salad, by themselves, mixed in my spaghetti squash, grilled, sun dried, etc., etc., etc…..

I hate them stewed, though. It’s a texture thing.

Anyway, when I found out about this salmonella thing I was sad. I will miss my little friends. Remember how long it took for the grocery stores to carry spinach again after that little issue? Ugh.

Almost everything I make has tomatoes in it. Therefore, I am uninspired to cook and am living off of Luna bars and freeze dried fruit.



Yeah, I am totally addicted to the Just Fruit Munchies. You can find them at your local HEB. If you are a Lubbock reader, try that Marketstreet place.

I want my tomatoes back! I wish I could grow my own. Unfortunately, I don’t think we get enough sun in our back yard.

In other news:
My summer break is underway. I am totally practicing the hula hoop. I am getting pretty good at it. My contortionist thing never really worked out so I am hoping that I will give the hula hoop a better shot.

Other than that, I am catching up on some TV. I rented season 6 of the Soprano’s and seasons 2 and 3 of WEEDS. Love Weeds. Love it!
I think I will rent Heros next. Oh, and Rome. Who needs show time or HBO when you can just wait and rent the best shows?

I am going to take some pictures for my blog, soon. Not sure what they will be, but I need to spice it up around here. Any suggestions?

adios

Enchanting

A few weeks ago, one of the Teachers at my place of work asked everyone in the department to write down a word or phrase to describe each person in the department. We all went to lunch, today, as it was the last day of school (woot). During lunch, two of our department members got up and read/signed a list of 13 words for each person and we were to guess who they were describing. Would you like to hear the list of words describing me?

Ok, here we go:
Lively
Great hair
Nice
Fashion queen
Stylish
Great team payer
Enchanting
Helpful
Patient
Sweet
Considers students needs
Burst of sunshine
Enthusiastic

My favorite is “Enchanting.” It makes me feel like I have magical powers. The descriptor they should have included would be “cry baby”.

Yeah, I said it.

See, I went to my spine doctor for a follow up, today. I was thinking that he might recommend that I get some steroid injections due to the fact that my neck/shoulders continue to cause me great pain even though I have participated in physical therapy for a month now. The steroid injections kind of scare me, but I am willing to do anything to alleviate the pain at this point. The Dr. explained to me that he could not do the injections because they have not found my “trigger point” (or “chigga pahn”, as he pronounces it). When he explained that to me, my eyes just started leaking. I could not help it. I tried to hold back the tears but they were stupid and would not listen to me. I am just so frustrated. I wake up to pain and it gradually gets worse as the day goes on. By 4:00, it is horrible.

So, I now have two different kinds of pain pills, one muscle relaxer, my ice packs (they rock), and my physical therapy. I also have a summer break and am under Dr.’s orders to rest.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.
Don’t feel too sorry for me. I am enchanting, after all.

Gross

This is not the bathroom at my work, but it might as well be.

Today, around noon, I opened up a work e-mail that apologetically informed me of the need to shut off the water…immediately. Apparently, a gas line (or something) broke and the maintenance crew needed to shut off the water to fix it. I know, I don’t get it either.

I forgot about the e-mail, rather quickly, as I was extremely busy with end of the year duties.

And then, 2:00 neared and I had to use the bathroom. I went to the big bathroom as I recalled that the water was shut off. I figured there may have been a slight chance that one of the toilets was unused. Uh, no. Every toilet was full of number one, number two, or number three. Number three can only be produced by women, if you get my meaning. They all were stuffed with toilet paper, as well. I freaked out and backed away from the stalls. As I approached the door, I grabbed a paper towel to open it. You know that those people that did their business could not wash their hands afterwards, thus grabbing the door with their germy hands. EW EW EW!

A co-worker and I decided to travel to the Walgreens to do our potty business. We are lucky to have the ability to do so. I feel bad for the teachers and students that are stuck in the classroom. I am sure the water will be back on tomorrow……..I hope.

There is just not enough hand sanitizer in the world to make me comfortable with that situation.

Oh, and tomorrow morning I plan on busting out the Lysol and spraying all of the door handles. I am going to get to work early so I can do this without being spotted. I don’t want to be known as the office germaphobe.